god's grace

"The Room" by Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written

sinner prayer

If The sinner prayer is totally not biblical then why is it alway uses to bring people into the kingdom?
John 15:16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

what can we as christian do to making this better to allow people understand that jesus choose them first not the other way around.

Leave comments or suggestions

recap of my weekend up in kamloop

friday/saturday morning:
got home from teen drop -in at 12 and i thought it would not make sense to go to sleep so i clean and worship until 2 and then i went to my 2-5 shift and slept until 7, got up and went to the bank and got the bus to horsesbay terminal to meet my group. got on the bus and drove to kamloops i slept for most of the way cause i was pretty tired. got to kamloops around 2:30 and went to the church to drop off our stuff and then we were off to sport mart place for the conference and dinner

Saturday's evening session
MOMENTUM GENERATION lead worship and they were very good. i never heard of them until these weekend it was great to hear them. then they talk about the well that was put into the city of bole ethopia 2 years because of the money was raised at this conference and seeing the transformation of the city blow me away, it just showed that you can make a difference. The city of Bole use the well to make 3 new wells to the nearby town and then now they are building a school cause they now have clean water and they are building a highway to get to the town so kids from other towns can come to the school as well. Cory and dawn block, missionary from estonia were the main speaker and they just share some of the go and follow moments that god devloped in their life. they talk about the inactive hero of the church: 4 things
the excuser- alway giving excuse on how i am not ready and i am not perfect to allow god to use me
the indulger- not sure what side they are fight on
scary-pant- scary to be use by god
i can't remember the last one, it is not about you and get over yourself
then andy hunter did a concert and it was awesome seeing him, he got a lot of passion in his music and him shouting your kingdom come and your will be done- powerful stuff

Sunday morning:
MOMENTUM GENERATION play again and they were good again and this two people that never spoke to a huge crowd before did the message and they are both awesome. Jason especially, i know him, i talk to him before and he is involved in the minstry canadafire and he was talking about be a light in the schools. schools are a mission feild and encourage student to see their school as that a mission feild. it was awesome stuff, he got a preaching annointing. took up an offering for the aid fund in etopida to allow kid that has aid to live out their dreams and other projects as well. we raised 58,000 dollar- praise the lord! then there was workshop: girl only was talking respect yourself and something that stood out for me was if you can't respect yourself, how are you suppose to love and respect someone else. i met some cool people from comox i think(nicole,elizabeth and other people and i had dinner with them later, it was good times. i met this girl in th mission workshop name kayla and it was awesome hearding her dream about being a missionary in aficia.
Sunday evening: got pray over by the prayer ministry team and that was awesome, they claim jerimah 29:11 over me and the blood covering over me before the evening session delirious was rock up the joint, god show me a picture of a road race and there was a person running and there was people there cheering them on which represent community, then there was water station all along the road and that represent the holy spirt, he need to refreshing with his living water. then when this person got the close to the end of the race, they saw jesus and start to sprint to the finish line. Reference of scripture that i found later was hebrew12:1-2 it was awesome.

monday morning: delirious play again and god show me another picture, i lift my hand toward heaven and i could feel his hand touch my hand and he walk back and lead me somewhere but i couldn't see where yet. it was still awesome. scripture reference psalm23:3

i got to see delirious again at the pacrific colesuem for free with teen cell and it was awesome! it was awesome to see jaime and esther, i wasn't expecting to see them for awhile.

verse of the day

“ May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. ”- Romans 15:5,6

Fullness

It been 3 days since we been home from Fullness weekend( a prayer and fasting retreat up at camp Sunrise.( sorry i didn't blog about earlier) It was nice to see my parents and brothers and my good friend, Erin for a while before the whole retreat started. This retreat was a time of refreshing for me and god reveal more and more about himself to me. i broke off some generational curses from my family. melinda,lydia and i were in a group and there was three generations display there. it was great. we dealt with a lot of stuff, personal and family stuff and then as a prophetic act, we went down to the beach and throw rocks in to the water and janet Munn came along with us and did the same thing. She was declaring over us that we were free indeed and claiming the verse "He has remove our trangressions as far as the east from the west over us. It was a powerful experience. The preaching and worship was great. we called some generational blessing forth for the salvation army, God called me into Soldiership this weekend, i haven't done anything yet about it but soon :) It was just fun hanging out with my community for a few days specially my fellow sessionmates cause now everyone beside 5 people are gone and i am already missing them :( Everything will be fine :D

Starfield Revolution lyrics

powerful lyrics. May the revolution of Jesus go through the nations of the world. I want to see the world have a revitial of Jesus all over.

"Revolution"

If I'm here all alone
If I'm left behind
If they spit in my face
If they hate my kind

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For the depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

'Cause I'm a fire
I'm a flood
I'm a revolution
I am a war
Already won
I'm a revolution

When the world is at war
When the grace is gone
When the hungry lay dead
While the rich live on

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For a depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

(Here I stand)
Open hands
Waiting for You
I won't back down
I'll live to speak Your truth

Ezekiel 37 3-10

"This generation is dying to see
Who You are and how You free
Come Lord Jesus come

I've seen lots of dead men walking around" Your Love by Skillet been in my head and in the war room i saw in the spirt the people walking down in the downtown eastside and i saw their skelton and then i pray these scripture out the window.


He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"
I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."
4 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath [a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' "

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

faith analogy

every time i am out on the streets and i see a ledge i had to walk on it. you may think why?
good question
at the beginning of being on ledge, it take awhile for you to get your balance- it like when you first become a christian you need to take baby steps to make your faith stonger like reading your bible and praying. As you walk on the ledge it become easily cause you are focus on getting all the way across it without falling off. When we fix our eyes on the author and perfect of our faith then our faith becomes stronger and we can do things that we couldn't dream or imagine.
Challenge:
try it and see for yourself :D
i am hoping this all is making senses to you.