I am Rebekah who is a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with
self-control, anger. I grew up in a christian home but my parents
would fight a lot and my mom was a hoarder so I became very resentful
toward my parents at very early age. I blamed my mom for my low self
image because she use to call me fat and ugly and I also blame her
for not teaching me how to cook and clean probably. Because she was
a hoarder I did not have much friends because our house was always
messy and we were not allowed to have anyone over. I was sexually
abuse when I was little by my neighbor who at the time was my best
friend and a friend of the family and he sexually abuse my sister as
well and I have to watch so I have carried resentments of the guy
that abuse me for a long time. For the first year of our marriage
when we were living in Gibson, my relationship with m husband was
difficult, we would fight constantly over stupid things and it was
just us mostly of the time so there was no time apart . we had no
another couples to do things with and financially we were not doing
well either cause peter's job was only 4 hours a day and his
paychecks were small so that add stress and frustrated to our
relationship. I deny that was a problems for years and I would
justified my actions, saying it is my burden to bear, no want to hear
my issues, they have enough on their plates already and if I tell
people, they may pass judgment on me but I start to address my denial
when I came to Vancouver the first time In the War College which
is a school of a ministry, it was the first time I start to open up
to another people about my life and my struggles because all through
my childhood I was always told to not open up to people, my home life
was secret and no one know what was really going on and I was suppose
to keep a smile on my face and tell everyone I was fine but deep down
I was not fine, not even close to fine. I became very depressed and I
attempted to committed suicide at the age 9 but gratefully my mom
walk in before I could do anything and to this day I truly believe
Jesus sent her as an angel to save me from doing anything. My
relationship with God was lukewarm and I desire to be free from my
chains that untangled me to go deeper with Christ. My attitude to
others were if I told them my secrets they will go and tell other
about what I told them, I isolated because I have no idea to be a
friend and I just became a lonely girl that had no friends and no one
talk to me and I got teased a lot through high school, people would
make fun of how I look and how I dressed and I start to have a true
hatred toward people and I just want to escape this hurtful world. I
have always struggled with employment and keeping it for a long
period of time, something would happen and I would lose it and I
blame myself and I would always think only if I can hold down a job
for a long time, my husband would want to spend time with me or if
only I had solid employment we would be in a better financial
situation and we can go away and I believe that I was failing my
husband in some way and making him take all the responsibly. I got
into recovery by coming to Celebrate Recovery on and off again when
my husband and I lived in Gibsons but I did not get too involved in
recovery until my husband and I move back to Vancouver a year ago
when I start a step group and start to work the steps. My
Relationship With Christ influenced my recovery by being pregnant
because it help me feel more beautiful and help me know who I was in
Christ, it help me marvelous on his power and his majesty and how
cool his creation is, how I was created in his own image and I was
fearfully and wonderfully made. Being in Recovery has help my
relationship with my husband by talk to Michael and he help us to
deal with the issues that cause us to fight consistently and I can
tell you all now, I love him more today than I did before. Being in
recovery has help me in my spiritual gifts and not being shy to speak
out what the Lord is speaking to me. He gave me a verse that has been
a key verse for me throughout my recovery,Let the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord,
my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14.Another key verse for me through
war college was Roman 12 1-2 which say I appeal to you therefore,
brothers,[a]
by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice,
holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b]
2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c]
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you
may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and
perfect.[d].
. The Lord start to renewal my mind and break the chains and only by
what he did on the cross, I start to believe that I was daughter of
the king. I started to believe in the truth and not the lies of the
enemy that has been tormented me which told me that I was not good
enough or unworthy of anything good.
Step 5 and Step 9
were huge steps for me because I was finally able to forgive the guy
that abuse me after all these years and how the Lord heal my heart
and I finally able to forgive and make my amends to my mom after all
these years and my relationship with her is stronger than it has ever
been. My apathy of not cleaning or cooking is gone, my relationship
with my husband is stronger and I love seeing him spend time with his
daughter and how our daughter has change me and him for the better.
I am able to share my frustrations and struggles with others and I
have more patience than before, I still have some outburst of angry
sometimes but not as much I did before and the Lord is still working
on me, he is not finish me with me yet. Philippians 3:12-16 Not that
I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to
make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing
I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies
ahead, press on toward the goal for the prize
of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are
mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God
will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have
attained. My Relationship with Jesus Christ has grown by knowing he
loves me so deeply, I am forgiven and I am saved by his grace and I
belong to him. I been brought with a price. Roman 8 :1 There is
therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a]
2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b]
free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God
has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By
sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c]
he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous
requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not
according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5b For to set the
mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life
and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God,
for it does not submit
to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Anyone who does not have the Spirit
of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although
the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of
righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the
dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d]
from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his
Spirit who dwells in you14 For all who are led by the Spirit of
God are sons[f]
of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back
into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by
whom we cry, “Abbas! Father!” The Spirit himself bears
witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if
children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ,
provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified
with him. Being an mom has help me become more patience in my life
and be still and know he is God. I have become a better wife by
helping around the house by cleaning and cooking sometime, I went
from not caring at all to it would drive me crazy if there was dishes
in the sink and I would have to do them before I went to bed and make
sure our house was presentable. Working the steps has help me deal
with resentments and my hurts,habits and hang-ups. For example, he
told me I was going to have my daughter on the day she was before 3
weeks before she came but became doubtful when I went to the doctors
and they would sent me home but trusting him that what he said and it
came to pass. I am learning to step out in faith when he speaks and
trusting him more in our finances , He has provided every need for us
and how he blessed with us with a beautiful daughter who I see
Christ in every day
The Lord has been teaching about his grace for last 3 years and he
been teaching other things but everything has come back to grace
because it is by his grace I am been set free. For the newcomer: For
it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not
from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so
that no one can boast. From a book I been reading: what is grace
capacity? It cover the sins of all mankind from the time of Adam to
the coming the son of Man. No matter how great our sins, how weak our
flesh,how often we fail,grace abounds. It's impossible ever to do or
fail to do anything that can't be covered by grace of God. It Cost
Jesus his life, do not let his costly grace in vain. He want you
right now, just the way you are,He has changed my life and he want to
change yours today so let him do it. I am sharing the good news by
being an discipline ship and accountability partner with someone and
more than willing to do that with anyone else.
