how i am feeling these days

I feel adequate where I am in life right now. I should be a licensed ECE teacher by now but I am not and I am not sure why. I feel like this what i was meant to do. I know the lord has give me the tools to do this type of work and when I was working I feel happy and I was walking in my gifts, I am good with kids and I am good what I do but I inherited a problem from my dad when I get frustrated my voice get higher and some people think it is yelling and I am willing to work on that and I am trying to get help in this area. I don’t like how other people think they know what is best for me, should I know what is best for me. Some people think I should be do ministry work, a part of me agreed but I felt when I was working in this environment I was and I really want my confident and my joy back, I don’t understand everything has been so hard for me, I had to work my butt off to become the person I am today, I know life is not easy but is it meant to be this difficult. I had a dream that I would be work with kids in an orphanage in brazil, that why I went into this field in the first place and I want to make an impact on children’s life. I am afraid to open up to people because I feel that they would turned away from me and I will be hurt, no one like being hurt. I need direction, I know the lord is faithful and he will do what he said he would be. I felt like I been patience and not giving up and I will trust in his promises. I been through a lot in the last few couple of weeks and really I just want to happy again and doing something usefully with my time and working somewhere, anywhere because when I am working or volunteer I feel needed and keep me stay positive or I am not doing anything I spend too much time in my head and think too much. i am proud of my acheivements and where i been, i have blessed with many great things and experiences in life but feeling really disencouraged right now and i just need to write out my thoughts.