testimony

I am Rebekah who is a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with self-control, anger. I grew up in a christian home but my parents would fight a lot and my mom was a hoarder so I became very resentful toward my parents at very early age. I blamed my mom for my low self image because she use to call me fat and ugly and I also blame her for not teaching me how to cook and clean probably. Because she was a hoarder I did not have much friends because our house was always messy and we were not allowed to have anyone over. I was sexually abuse when I was little by my neighbor who at the time was my best friend and a friend of the family and he sexually abuse my sister as well and I have to watch so I have carried resentments of the guy that abuse me for a long time. For the first year of our marriage when we were living in Gibson, my relationship with m husband was difficult, we would fight constantly over stupid things and it was just us mostly of the time so there was no time apart . we had no another couples to do things with and financially we were not doing well either cause peter's job was only 4 hours a day and his paychecks were small so that add stress and frustrated to our relationship. I deny that was a problems for years and I would justified my actions, saying it is my burden to bear, no want to hear my issues, they have enough on their plates already and if I tell people, they may pass judgment on me but I start to address my denial when I came to Vancouver the first time In the War College which is a school of a ministry, it was the first time I start to open up to another people about my life and my struggles because all through my childhood I was always told to not open up to people, my home life was secret and no one know what was really going on and I was suppose to keep a smile on my face and tell everyone I was fine but deep down I was not fine, not even close to fine. I became very depressed and I attempted to committed suicide at the age 9 but gratefully my mom walk in before I could do anything and to this day I truly believe Jesus sent her as an angel to save me from doing anything. My relationship with God was lukewarm and I desire to be free from my chains that untangled me to go deeper with Christ. My attitude to others were if I told them my secrets they will go and tell other about what I told them, I isolated because I have no idea to be a friend and I just became a lonely girl that had no friends and no one talk to me and I got teased a lot through high school, people would make fun of how I look and how I dressed and I start to have a true hatred toward people and I just want to escape this hurtful world. I have always struggled with employment and keeping it for a long period of time, something would happen and I would lose it and I blame myself and I would always think only if I can hold down a job for a long time, my husband would want to spend time with me or if only I had solid employment we would be in a better financial situation and we can go away and I believe that I was failing my husband in some way and making him take all the responsibly. I got into recovery by coming to Celebrate Recovery on and off again when my husband and I lived in Gibsons but I did not get too involved in recovery until my husband and I move back to Vancouver a year ago when I start a step group and start to work the steps. My Relationship With Christ influenced my recovery by being pregnant because it help me feel more beautiful and help me know who I was in Christ, it help me marvelous on his power and his majesty and how cool his creation is, how I was created in his own image and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Being in Recovery has help my relationship with my husband by talk to Michael and he help us to deal with the issues that cause us to fight consistently and I can tell you all now, I love him more today than I did before. Being in recovery has help me in my spiritual gifts and not being shy to speak out what the Lord is speaking to me. He gave me a verse that has been a key verse for me throughout my recovery,Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14.Another key verse for me through war college was Roman 12 1-2 which say I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.[d]. . The Lord start to renewal my mind and break the chains and only by what he did on the cross, I start to believe that I was daughter of the king. I started to believe in the truth and not the lies of the enemy that has been tormented me which told me that I was not good enough or unworthy of anything good.

Step 5 and Step 9 were huge steps for me because I was finally able to forgive the guy that abuse me after all these years and how the Lord heal my heart and I finally able to forgive and make my amends to my mom after all these years and my relationship with her is stronger than it has ever been. My apathy of not cleaning or cooking is gone, my relationship with my husband is stronger and I love seeing him spend time with his daughter and how our daughter has change me and him for the better. I am able to share my frustrations and struggles with others and I have more patience than before, I still have some outburst of angry sometimes but not as much I did before and the Lord is still working on me, he is not finish me with me yet. Philippians 3:12-16 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. My Relationship with Jesus Christ has grown by knowing he loves me so deeply, I am forgiven and I am saved by his grace and I belong to him. I been brought with a price. Roman 8 :1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a] 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5b For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons[f] of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abbas! Father!”  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. Being an mom has help me become more patience in my life and be still and know he is God. I have become a better wife by helping around the house by cleaning and cooking sometime, I went from not caring at all to it would drive me crazy if there was dishes in the sink and I would have to do them before I went to bed and make sure our house was presentable. Working the steps has help me deal with resentments and my hurts,habits and hang-ups. For example, he told me I was going to have my daughter on the day she was before 3 weeks before she came but became doubtful when I went to the doctors and they would sent me home but trusting him that what he said and it came to pass. I am learning to step out in faith when he speaks and trusting him more in our finances , He has provided every need for us and how he blessed with us with a beautiful daughter who I see Christ in every day

The Lord has been teaching about his grace for last 3 years and he been teaching other things but everything has come back to grace because it is by his grace I am been set free. For the newcomer: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. From a book I been reading: what is grace capacity? It cover the sins of all mankind from the time of Adam to the coming the son of Man. No matter how great our sins, how weak our flesh,how often we fail,grace abounds. It's impossible ever to do or fail to do anything that can't be covered by grace of God. It Cost Jesus his life, do not let his costly grace in vain. He want you right now, just the way you are,He has changed my life and he want to change yours today so let him do it. I am sharing the good news by being an discipline ship and accountability partner with someone and more than willing to do that with anyone else.

extraordiny

i been reading the book extraordinary the life you're meant to live by john bevere, it is very challenging book but quite good .The person who fear God has nothing to hide,in fact he or she is scared to be away from God.
Much like a skilled surgeon,the true word of God cut deep into our inner most thoughts and desires and reveals the state of the heart so that we can be truly healthy before God. Are we hearing message according in our western churches? if not,are we hearing the true word of God? is the true wisdom of God coming from our pulpits. Have we honestly ask ourselves why we have so much selfishness and envy in our churches. could this be a result of not the fearing the Lord.

Guilt and shame are known to tear a person to pieces spiritually. They make you feel guilty, separated from God, they rob you of your faith and rips you to pieces. They break God's children down piece by piece, robbing them of their joy, peace, confidence and pure conscience. They are also valuable tools that demonic spirits use against a person in the forms of mental torment and harassment.
Furthermore, it seems that those caught in this trap find it hard to open up and talk about their struggle or failure with others. Almost everybody finds it hard to even admit that they are struggling in the area of sexuality, even when it seems almost everybody else struggles with it!!
I guess the key question is, why are sex-related sins so embarrassing? This intense embarrassment is not a fleshly nature, but rather the workings of unclean spirits. "Who told you that you were naked?" God asked Adam and Eve, thus giving us a clear indication that Satan or one of his unclean spirits were telling Adam and Eve that they were naked, and thus should be ashamed of themselves! Shame did not enter the world until this moment, and it came about when someone (a spirit) told Adam and Eve (through their thought-lives) that they were naked, and therefore made them ashamed of themselves.
Genesis 3:11, "And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked?"
They were so ashamed, that they not only covered themselves, but also hid in the garden from God!
Genesis 3:10, "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself."
Notice how shame brought a dreaded fear of God! Before that moment, there was no fear of God, at least not the type of fear where a person is scared and wants to distance themselves from God! This is exactly what happens when people are fearful of having committed the unpardonable sin... they become afraid of God and feel that He is out to punish them!
Also notice how even Adam was ashamed of his body, and didn't want God (his own creator) to see him naked! It shouldn't surprise us when we see how the enemy tries today to make our sexuality shameful in the same way. Obviously, God has made sex beautiful, but Satan wants us to be ashamed of it, and when we partake in sexual sin, it becomes an open door for a heavy burden caused by guilt and shame to move in on us. Unclean spirits then use this to their advantage and bring much bondage and torment.
So why do unclean spirits work so hard to keep a person 'locked/shut up' concerning their failure or struggle? He does not want them to open up and uncover the darkness in their soul in which guilt and shame have their strongest grip. God's Word is clear that confessing our faults to one another can bring about and promote healing in one's life:
James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed..."
From experience, many (including myself) will testify to a powerful healing concept of simply admitting to another believer what your faults have been. It seems to lift a heavy load when a person brings something that's kept them bound for years, out into the open. There's a tremendous release that many feel when they simply confess their struggle or failure to another!
So why are sexual sins so embarrassing? The unclean spirits who are taking advantage of the person through guilt and shame do NOT want you to open up about your failure, and expose the darkness by which their weapons (guilt and shame) are able to do their work.
Guilt and shame have their strongest grip when kept in the darkness of a person's soul, and when a person brings something out into the light, it brings light into the situation and things such as guilt and shame tend to lose their grip on that person. That is why the enemy works so diligently to keep a person from opening up about their sexual failures and struggles.
Embarrassment is simply a tool used by the enemy (who works through his army of unclean spirits o keep a person from opening up and seeking freedom from their struggle or past failure.
Don't fool yourself, just as the enemy can work to tempt us, he can also work to keep us from admitting our faults by making us feel embarrassed over what we've done. It's merely Satan's weapon of choice to keep our souls in darkness!
Let me ask you this, if you saw the same struggle that you're facing, in another brother or sister in Christ, would you make a big deal about it? Providing of course, that they have either turned from it, or are trying very hard to turn from it? Would you beat them up as much as you beat up on yourself? My guess is that you would probably think nothing of it!
Behind many sexual related struggles and failures, lies unclean spirits. They often enter through sexual defilement, and it is not uncommon to find them behind many sexual struggles. However, before these unclean spirits can be cast out, the minister must first know about them. Many deliverances are either not complete, or have failed simply because the person hasn't opened up with the minister about everything that needed to come fourth. This is why it is important to bring up such failures and struggles when going through a deliverance. Even if you have repented of those sins, there may be spirits lingering that must still be driven out.

Isabella Brenda ann Dooley

Wrote a poem about  my daughter, enjoy


Every good and perfect gift comes from above
You are a true gift from the Lord
You are beautiful, every time i look into your face, i see the glory of the Lord
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
You were made in his own image
He called you his beautiful one
He has grant my desire of my heart, giving you to me
May you experience Christ's love, grace and all the days of your life.

My Birth Story

On Thursday Sept 27th, my contractions were stronger and 2-3 min apart so i went to the clinic and i was 2 and half cm dilated so they sent me home again, these was the four time i had gone to clinic to get checked out. The nurse kept saying you will know when you know but i thought it was time, that why i came in so we went home and bounce on the exercise ball, shower, had relations with my husband and it work because my contractions got stronger and closer together but i got really frustrated and emotional because they sent us home. On Friday Sept 28th, the contractions were still strong and 2-3 min apart and i was nervous to time my contractions because all the discouragement of going in and being disappointed and my mom encouraged to time them so i did and my friend Jenea suggested the 123 method so that what i did. the 123 method is when the contractions last at least 1 min long, 2 min long for 3 hours so i did that and my contractions were 2 min for 5 hours from the time we called to when the doctor did finally call us back. They checked and i was in between 3-4 and they still said to go home but because i was GB Positive and we lived a good distance so they had to start the antibodies, GB is not harmful to me but it was not treated, the baby could get ammonia or a brain infection so we took the precaution anyway so they said we were staying. Peter and I walked down the hall to promote my labor and our Doula  bonnie  arrived and peter and her would take turn with the hot water bottle or her mas-sager because i had a little back pain labor to reduce the pain and it did.  After 2 hours  they check me again after a while, i was at 4-5 now so they suggested to add more of the hormone Oxycontin  to speed my contractions up. we got into the room where we were going to delivery our baby. i ate some protein bar because i could not eat anything until the arrival of our baby and i was also drinking a lot of fluid before they could start it. All three of us would walk down the hallway and peter and bonnie would massage my back when i needed it. Doctor styian, the doctor that deliver our baby. at 5-6 they broke my water and my contraction got stronger because when my contraction occur, i went super quiet so the nurse did not know what she could do for me but she would show me ways to get her into the right position before she came out and massage my hand to reduce pressure or teach my husband to push down on my hips to reduce the pressure. We were listening to worship music and Lecre so all the nurse want to be in our room. Between 7-10 cm was the most intense but we had Tim Hughes album going on in the back ground and every time Everything came on, I got more strength to continue and it really did become my focus point song. I tried laughing gas but i stopped because i was able to breath better on my own. It took 7 push to get her out and the doctor told peter to scrub up to catch her coming out and when the head was coming out, i felt her head, it was quite smooth. Isabella Brenda Anna Dooley was borne at 1:11 which i believe it represent the trinity, 8 pounds 3 ounces, 53.5 cm long.Peter cut the umbilical cord and put her on my chest. It was pure joy when i held in my arms. The doctors and nurses were amazed that i did it all naturally and it took 14 hours long. They said that is short for first time mom. She latched on 5 min after she was borne. The lord told me 4 weeks before she was born that she was going to be born on the 29th of September but i start to doubt because all the time they sent me home. Nicole came to visit us in the hospital on the first night and brought me a frosty and peter some food, it was so great. her temperature was not right after she was borne so the nurse warm her up and after that she was totally fine.


Other Cool things that happened when we were in the hospital
she roll on her side on her own at day 2
she lose 13% of her body weight but gained 90g overnight and another 15g the next day
my milk supply was not complete in so they said i might have to put her on formula because they did not have any donor milk at that time but 10 min later the nurse said there was 20 bottle donated and we found out later that Jenea donated 20 bottle on that same day
she had jaundice but for 2 days she was on the borderline for being putting under the lights
Jenea and Donny brought me chocolate milk,fruit and cane to visit, that help us stayed sane,Jenea also brought peter some food so he did not have spend money on food at the cafeteria, we did not eat it all but we did eat it when we got home when we did not feel like cooking at all
 we had other friends and family come to visit and hung out with us, that help us stay sane being the hospital for that long.
she was put under the lights, she love the heat of it and the fan remind us of home so it actually help us sleep better at night. she recovered in 24 hours.
the prayer support from our community was awesome.
our doctor that has been with me since week 7 was not take patients in her private practice but she told us to call her office anyway to make an appointment anyway.
Gareth,Daniel and Cinzia came over to our house when we left and it was so great to just hang out with them and Isabella is so good around other people. we all prayed for her and it was so lovely.
she adjusted to being home quite quickly, she sleeps in a crib already for 3-4 hours or longer if we go for a walk.
The home nurse came over the next day and she is gaining more weight and the jaundice is very low or completely gone.
Got more clothes donated from our church so now we have clothe from NB to when she is like 3 which is so great.

I am truly blessed



 
 

31 weeks

Well i am 31 weeks today, She is one active baby, she kicks a lot specially at night so sometime it is difficult to sleep but i am happy that she is active. Fatigue is coming back, some ligaments pain and soreness in my hips  but my mom got me a pregnancy belt  and it helps a little bit. we purchase a crib from Craigslist that was in good condition which is excellent. In other news, Jesus is teaching me how to trust him daily and it can be a challenge  but it is a choice so daily choose to trust him is what he been teaching me. I have almost finished a set of steps through celebrate recovery, it is been really great for me to do it and the lord has healing me and my relationships around me. well that is all for now

Week to week

here is a picture of our baby's ultrasound for all the people that has not seen it. Everything is healthy and good with the baby which is great. i been very blessed regarding a pretty smooth pregnancy, minor discomforts in the ligaments around my pelvis because the muscles are stretching. the baby is moving a lot and a few weeks, my husband peter felt the baby kick for the first time so that was very exciting for him. I will post updates about my pregnancy throughout. 

before the morning by mark schultz, listen to it.

sorry i have not been blogging lately but i could not access my blogger account for a long time and now that i can, i will try to blog more.

Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you, where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening to bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends, you know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there, so say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time
But you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
Come on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Mercy - Parachute Band (lyrics)

23The Lord directs the steps of the godly.




He delights in every detail of their lives.



24Though they stumble, they will never fall,



for the Lord holds them by the hand psalm 37:23-24


He is good and direct our path and he is the God of all the details and he is faithful to his promises :)  He is the great provider.

Love Like God


By Max Lucado

“Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God.” Philippians 2:6 NLT



Need more patience? Drink from the patience of God (2 Peter 3:9). Is generosity an elusive virtue? Then consider how generous God has been with you (Romans 5:8). Having trouble putting up with ungrateful relatives or cranky neighbors? God puts up with you when you act the same. “He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked” (Luke 6:35 NIV).



Can’t we love like this?