testimony

I am Rebekah who is a believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with self-control, anger. I grew up in a christian home but my parents would fight a lot and my mom was a hoarder so I became very resentful toward my parents at very early age. I blamed my mom for my low self image because she use to call me fat and ugly and I also blame her for not teaching me how to cook and clean probably. Because she was a hoarder I did not have much friends because our house was always messy and we were not allowed to have anyone over. I was sexually abuse when I was little by my neighbor who at the time was my best friend and a friend of the family and he sexually abuse my sister as well and I have to watch so I have carried resentments of the guy that abuse me for a long time. For the first year of our marriage when we were living in Gibson, my relationship with m husband was difficult, we would fight constantly over stupid things and it was just us mostly of the time so there was no time apart . we had no another couples to do things with and financially we were not doing well either cause peter's job was only 4 hours a day and his paychecks were small so that add stress and frustrated to our relationship. I deny that was a problems for years and I would justified my actions, saying it is my burden to bear, no want to hear my issues, they have enough on their plates already and if I tell people, they may pass judgment on me but I start to address my denial when I came to Vancouver the first time In the War College which is a school of a ministry, it was the first time I start to open up to another people about my life and my struggles because all through my childhood I was always told to not open up to people, my home life was secret and no one know what was really going on and I was suppose to keep a smile on my face and tell everyone I was fine but deep down I was not fine, not even close to fine. I became very depressed and I attempted to committed suicide at the age 9 but gratefully my mom walk in before I could do anything and to this day I truly believe Jesus sent her as an angel to save me from doing anything. My relationship with God was lukewarm and I desire to be free from my chains that untangled me to go deeper with Christ. My attitude to others were if I told them my secrets they will go and tell other about what I told them, I isolated because I have no idea to be a friend and I just became a lonely girl that had no friends and no one talk to me and I got teased a lot through high school, people would make fun of how I look and how I dressed and I start to have a true hatred toward people and I just want to escape this hurtful world. I have always struggled with employment and keeping it for a long period of time, something would happen and I would lose it and I blame myself and I would always think only if I can hold down a job for a long time, my husband would want to spend time with me or if only I had solid employment we would be in a better financial situation and we can go away and I believe that I was failing my husband in some way and making him take all the responsibly. I got into recovery by coming to Celebrate Recovery on and off again when my husband and I lived in Gibsons but I did not get too involved in recovery until my husband and I move back to Vancouver a year ago when I start a step group and start to work the steps. My Relationship With Christ influenced my recovery by being pregnant because it help me feel more beautiful and help me know who I was in Christ, it help me marvelous on his power and his majesty and how cool his creation is, how I was created in his own image and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Being in Recovery has help my relationship with my husband by talk to Michael and he help us to deal with the issues that cause us to fight consistently and I can tell you all now, I love him more today than I did before. Being in recovery has help me in my spiritual gifts and not being shy to speak out what the Lord is speaking to me. He gave me a verse that has been a key verse for me throughout my recovery,Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14.Another key verse for me through war college was Roman 12 1-2 which say I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.[d]. . The Lord start to renewal my mind and break the chains and only by what he did on the cross, I start to believe that I was daughter of the king. I started to believe in the truth and not the lies of the enemy that has been tormented me which told me that I was not good enough or unworthy of anything good.

Step 5 and Step 9 were huge steps for me because I was finally able to forgive the guy that abuse me after all these years and how the Lord heal my heart and I finally able to forgive and make my amends to my mom after all these years and my relationship with her is stronger than it has ever been. My apathy of not cleaning or cooking is gone, my relationship with my husband is stronger and I love seeing him spend time with his daughter and how our daughter has change me and him for the better. I am able to share my frustrations and struggles with others and I have more patience than before, I still have some outburst of angry sometimes but not as much I did before and the Lord is still working on me, he is not finish me with me yet. Philippians 3:12-16 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. My Relationship with Jesus Christ has grown by knowing he loves me so deeply, I am forgiven and I am saved by his grace and I belong to him. I been brought with a price. Roman 8 :1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a] 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5b For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons[f] of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abbas! Father!”  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. Being an mom has help me become more patience in my life and be still and know he is God. I have become a better wife by helping around the house by cleaning and cooking sometime, I went from not caring at all to it would drive me crazy if there was dishes in the sink and I would have to do them before I went to bed and make sure our house was presentable. Working the steps has help me deal with resentments and my hurts,habits and hang-ups. For example, he told me I was going to have my daughter on the day she was before 3 weeks before she came but became doubtful when I went to the doctors and they would sent me home but trusting him that what he said and it came to pass. I am learning to step out in faith when he speaks and trusting him more in our finances , He has provided every need for us and how he blessed with us with a beautiful daughter who I see Christ in every day

The Lord has been teaching about his grace for last 3 years and he been teaching other things but everything has come back to grace because it is by his grace I am been set free. For the newcomer: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. From a book I been reading: what is grace capacity? It cover the sins of all mankind from the time of Adam to the coming the son of Man. No matter how great our sins, how weak our flesh,how often we fail,grace abounds. It's impossible ever to do or fail to do anything that can't be covered by grace of God. It Cost Jesus his life, do not let his costly grace in vain. He want you right now, just the way you are,He has changed my life and he want to change yours today so let him do it. I am sharing the good news by being an discipline ship and accountability partner with someone and more than willing to do that with anyone else.